Day 33

I am still feeling comfortable and finding solace in saying, whatever iam doing is controlled by you...

It makes me feel iam with you, as I was earlier.
You are a part of every decision I take and every move I make...
makes me content and happy that you are there with me...

I cried today evening seeing you in the picture...was wondering how am I able to survive without you- for such a long time.

Aaryan consoles me saying,iam missing him too...that bought more tears to me. The worst fear I have is Aaryan not able to express his grief and suffer with it through his life.

we would fail as parents then...

Day 31

Today is the day I lost you last month...30th July- can never ever forget it.

Was wondering if I can request god to relive this time...don't know if it would save you for me.

Is there anything that could bring you back to me???

To be positive and optimistic in life-
Hold on Honey, I will finish task in this world, in no time and reunite with you soon..

Until then, don't leave my hand because iam made to do things with You and this belief can make me cross thousand rivers without a sigh!


 

Day 29

Everytime you ask me how I miss u, I just point out to the stars in the sky and ask you to count....

The dependency level on you has been so high that it is very difficult to think about being a single mother....very tough to even try ink of that word.
So I decided would never want ri be called that...would Aaryan and everyone around us including me feel you around....in all my decisions, my acts and my deeds.

Strange part now is, people around do still have expectations in the way Iam supposed to react, behave...
Not that iam given chance or time to adapt to the humongous change in my life...

You know me...would not take time to balance myself, to Stan up and say, Iam fine and can manage myself...

 

Day 30

Was extremely tired today...
I slept off early.

Was overwhelmed by the day and the moment....
Everytime I remember, how this day changed our lives , it still leaves me speechless and appalled.


 

Day 29

Time flies...
I still can't believe, something that is yet to sink in me - has almost crossed a month now😞

Tomorrow is your monthly ceremony Shrik and this things keep yelling loud in my ears that, its been a month I didn't see you...too long a pause pappa and this has never happened before.

The only thing which has not changed yet is me reporting to you about what all happened during the day... Minute by minute and me rushing to you for help , even for slightest of my problems.
That wouldn't even change until I die...
Else I cant survive...

Our love story has been very famous even beyond our imagination...everyday there is someone or another telling me, how we have been an ideal couple, an inspiration, famous for our chemistry and inseparable /unconditional love we shared...
and I always answer its the same even now, rather had moved a step ahead and became Eternal love ❤

I cross my heart and I wish to die...
because your heart is where my peace that lies.

Day 28

Today was Ekadashi,Our little Aaryan fasted for the first time-for his beloved Dad...
He did it so effortlessly, that it clearly shows his dedication in doing anything for you💖

I know, as a person you would hate this the most- someone fasting for you, but this would help us relate to how much we love you...
specially for Aaryan...

We had a good big frame of yours in the hall today and everytime I see that, I miss u more...
I remember very well the day I clicked that picture of yours, when you wore the Nehru jacket - gifted by me.
You were also counting on enormous compliments, you got - the day long...

I miss that most handsome man I have ever met in my life...
The most lovable Dad and a wonderful Husband 💖💕

we miss you Srikant💓
 

Day 27

Today Aaryan's dance sir was all praise for him...he says he is incredible for his age!
I felt proud and could feel the same thing for you, as a proud Dad iam sure you must be very glad.

When I was driving the car today I could really feel a new energy in me that drove me down the busy roads of Kondapur, without any difficulty. It was more of you driving it in place of me...
It could be my imagination, But nothing wrong in it unless it is helping me achieve something...

See, you still are my strength, my motivation and my ultimate reason to live.

Was on to reality check for self today and for a while standing face to face- to the brutal reality, will make your life more easier.
Confronting what you ultimately are left with, though shakes you up for a while but slowly would start to sink In...

To be able to do anything for that matter, would not be possible until I know its you who is ultimately guiding and making me do so....

 

Day 26

Today I had been to temple to make arrangements for few of your rituals, it was difficult to stand at the counter and get your name written for the pooja, that is to be commenced on your name.
The Acharya- who was taking down the details saw me weeping all along, couldn't stop but ask me what happened to you...

Had a strange feeling as I sat in our car today, exactly after 25days...was definitely missing you and all through my 3hours of journey was thinking about all memories we had spent together in that car....

I just pray our son gets all the strength to be able to live to his and our dreams boldly.



 

Day 25

Many people who have been telling me lately, that my greif- would trouble you more in your world, which I never wanted...

I will definitely try my best to convert that emotions to a positive stride...

Me and our son started believing, that you are that Eternal life above us- who is helping us sail through this- very difficult times of our life.
Aaryan already feels, you are one among those gods he would pray to give him strength.
He is absolutely true...its you who is helping us live without the very important factor of our life....
Which is way beyond our imagination and possibility.

Love you Shrik, till the Moon and back.

 

Day 24

The only fear that pulls me down is, if I would able to suffice Aaryan's needs from a father??
However Best mom I will be, would I ever be able to satisfy him, to his most loved Dad....

Its only you who can help me do this...you need to be with me, in doing this Together.
Giving our Son a fulfilled and an adorable childhood.

He says dreams of you everyday, this shows how much he misses you!

Iam unable to write anything further as iam still stuck in how best can I do to make him feel better...

Would not be possible without you Shrik!

 

Day 23

I miss you so much today...


I was in the parking waiting for sonny to come back from school, I went to our car. The moment I saw it I realized, it was parked there by you- 23 days back, when all three of us spent a jolly day together at cinemas and playing bowling...that night everything changed for us. It scattered our lives apart...today I don't even know what's happening around us...

I still cant believe it that you left us alone...we lived the life the way we wanted...now everything looks out of hands...

I need you to manage this for me as you always do...

Come back Srikant...we need you💖

Day 22

Gathering all courage to face the reality and still stay strong, to lead the life without you.

I sometimes keep wondering how could this ever happen to us....and that , this is just a nightmare which would end any moment and bring you back to me.

Aaryan started his first professional Hip hop classes from today...and more than anything, he liked it. Wow that's a sigh of relief...

Today was challenging as I was at home all day and was not able to get over your thought, all day long!

please give us strength to fulfil all your dreams and live the life you wanted us to live.

Missing you every moment...
 

Day 21

21st day and when i think of what happened with is, it just seems like yesterday...

Aaryan went to school today after 20 days, had his Math formative assessment and he says he did it well, but just feels would have done better with your help that you offer him- everytime it is maths...

Today in the morning I got a call on your number asking for you, when enquired- it was a call from a consultancy offering you a better profile in Pune. When I told her the situation, the woman on the other side was zapped...see no one still believes it, it's not just me.

Missing you story still continues and would do for ever, just days passing by are making me stronger every minute...with a belief that what ever I happening, wouldn't have been possible without you standing beside me💕

Love you Shrik!

Passing life without you!

I started writing because of you, you had more confidence that I could- even more than i did...
In fact I started living my Life, My Way because you wanted me to and were always behind me...
I still remember those words from you, echoing in my ears now " Don't worry Joyee iam always there for you❤ "
My feelings for you have just gone stronger Shrik...
I started writing this journal just to express my feelings for you in the way you wanted me to express...

You had given me a reason and a motive to live - Aaryan!
Who proves it to me everyday, that he is exactly like you and would make me feel you around me.

Nevertheless I still miss you and would till my last breathe...

I wish to continue this journal to communicate with you and kill my loneliness which no one can fill ever ever again!